I refused to 'Google it.' Doing so felt like poisoning the purity and power of what was happening. I was not going to bring that into our energetic space. His nor mine.
His Diagnosis: Epidural abscess at the base of his spine, caused by staph infection.
Intuitively I sensed we were in troubled waters, and yet so much relief flooded my system as the 'answer' to George's 24/7, week-long excruciating pain was finally revealed. We had been to the ER a fourth time when a young doctor of just 33 understood there was something very wrong, remaining professional even as her eyes spoke silent volumes urging us to drive another 40 minutes to the highly rated Maine Medical Center for the neurological care she believed George needed.
I felt the urgency, but true fear would not settle into my bones until a week following his emergency surgery. High potency narcotics were necessary to control the horrific level of pain in his bones, muscles, organs and nervous system. He was finally able to rest, to actually sleep, smile and engage a bit.
He was admitted on a Friday. By mid-week they were talking about his next steps of recovery and potential discharge from the hospital, transitioning into two weeks of focused physical therapy in a dedicated rehab center.
Instead, he took a turn deeper into the pain, endured a torturous shoulder aspiration, two more mris and said he felt different and very sick. By day two of this, his internal reserves and ability to continue fighting for his life were drained.
He turned to me - pale, a thin shell of himself, exhausted and empty.
'I think it's time to call the kids to come. I don't know if I'm going to make it out of here - and I don't want to not see them again.'
I KNOW this man. And I have certainly become overfamiliarized with his massive (Aries) core of strength throughout our 30 years together - my heart shattered and a chill ran through my everything. He wasn't speaking from the drug-induced hallucinations or delirium.
He was losing Life Force - and he knew it.
We would all learn this infection, this deep in the body - is fatal for 1 in 4 people.
The children came - immediately. All three were on a plane within hours, traveling to the man who held them up into the powerful light of themselves, who had lent them his own Life Force when they could not feel nor access their own.
Now HE needed THEM. Desperately. And each one carried their own Elixir of Life to call him back.
THE MIRACULOUS ALCHEMY:
I sensed from the start what was happening at a cellular level. While our humans navigated all of what was happening in the hospital and in the physical realm, it was crystal clear George was being remade. I watched him morph before my eyes.
My first vision of him was through the lens of my youth and 'The Bionic Man.' George was being stripped bare and made, 'built' from the inside out into a Man in service to his God. All the old ways of posturing, protecting, toughing it out, being a man - were inaccessible to him now.
The children he had so beautifully provided for, protected and sheparded through their lives were now his strength. I listened to him speak to them through a pure, exposed heart of love. I watched our sons rise into the void of their father's presence and guidance, becoming HIS source of strength. As our not-so baby girl imbued his entire being with the purity of her love.
Our entire family was becoming altered in the process. George gained strength in their presence and under our care those next few days. He came back, in an altered form of himself. The true core of himself was exposed and every layer of false pretense, every chasm of grief locked within his heart - shattered and were no longer available to him as this Man began to heal.
We've been home now for just over three weeks, after spending the same in Maine Medical Center. To say this ordeal has been harrowing for our family is an understatement. George is now well enough for us to travel back to our winter home in the sunshine where his healing will be accelerated as the voice, spirit and grace of God continue to pour into and speak through him.
There are so many nuances to share. And we will in time.
Today is the day of my birth and I am celebrating the wisdom, the heart, the love - the LIFE of this Man. He is absolutely NOT who he was and I am so, so very gifted to witness his transformation up close and personal.
I - and we - know this story is meant to be shared and will increasingly impact all who hear and experience the multitude of miracles in the telling. In the upcoming weeks, you can subscribe here to receive each new post in your inbox.
*George and I drove to the ocean's edge for sunrise this morning in celebration of his life, our love and my birthday. This image is our most recent of moments captured in photo together. So lovely.